Miz BoheMia...
1- I am Iranian-Danish, raised between Spain and the US although my first two years were spent in Iran and an 11 month stint in Denmark.
2- I am 33 (WHY GOD WHY?) and have moved 35 times that I can remember. It is probably more than that.
3- At one point I moved 7 times in the span of a year and 7 months.
4- We moved for no apparent reason.
5- I come from a single parent household.
6- I am not too big on, or crazy about my, extended family.
7- I am married to my once-best-friend, former-best-friend-of-my-deceased-brother, amazing soul of a man who saved me from insanity by just being there and loving me.
8- We have two quirky and eccentric, hippie, happy kids.
9- I have a mild, to medium, to serious case of OCD. It all depends on the day, the mood, the situation, the level of peace within...
10- I like color coordination and symmetry because then there is a flow to things and I like for things to flow.
11- My trademark jewelry are my big hoop earrings, ankle bracelet my husband gave me during an anniversary we had our first I-am-gonna-leave-you fight in, engagement ring and two wedding bands (it is balanced that way... read #10), thumb ring and 3 toe rings (two silver and gold in the middle... haven't you read #10 yet?).
12- I feel naked if one of the pieces in #11 is missing. I have learned to not rush back home for them if out and without a piece on but it really pisses me off when that happens and makes me somewhat anxious.
13- I love ball-kicking, strong women.
14- I want to smack passive, whiny women around.
15- I don't like fairy tales because I don't think women need saving.
16- I don't like insects. They truly make me nauseous. I almost threw up when my husband tried to make me watch a documentary on insects.
17- I have had birds, cats, hamsters, rabbits, ducks, dogs and a lamb as non-human family members but all in all
18- I am a cat person.
19- I grew up with 5 cats and 6 for a while but then it went back down to 5.
20- Then Missy, I was her favorite human, died because she fell out the window of the 7th floor apartment we had just moved into that very day and broke my heart.
21- I once thought that Ziggy Barley, a ragdoll cat, was thawing it out but then he grew out of kittenhood and I panicked at being needed again, for life, by a cat that would eventually die and out he went before I became attached and though I may not be proud of that moment I am proud of knowing my weaknesses and unashamed because, well, it is what it is.
22- I cannot stand being licked.
23- I cannot stand stupid people.
24- I want to smack them as much as #14.
25- I never got to smack the guy who tried to impress me back in my single days by telling me his mother was from "Brazil which is in Spain" or the one who asked me if he could "go from California to Spain by bus".
26- I am an Ashtanga Yoga Teacher.
27- Getting bent out of shape straightens me out.
28- I speak English, Spanish, French, Danish and Farsi.
29- I didn't mean to but life just happened.
30- Ironically, being Iranian-Danish I speak English and Spanish the best.
31- I don't fit in anywhere which is why San Francisco fits me like a glove.
32- I cherish every second of my life in San Francisco such is my love affair with this city o' divine quirk.
33- I have 3 piercings in my left ear, 4 piercings in my right ear, 1 nose piercing and am working up the nerve to get a tragus piercing but have yet to decide on the ear though I am leaning towards the right one and even though my ear piercings won't be symmetrical sometimes planned asymmetry is gold.
34- I was a straight A, 4.0 student.
35- I was ecstatic when I found out my bloodtype was A+. Way to go blood! You aced it!
36- But then I got a 3.98 GPA, got pregnant, was devastated by the lowered GPA score, felt exhausted by the pregnancy and left uni when I had 7 classes left to finish though I'll be damned if I admit that in the professional world as my fake resume is quite impressive but back to reality and so... damn you #37!
37- I have a tiring need to be perfect but I am working on it because
38- I know my lesson in life is to let go.
39- So now my Fiestaware doesn't match but only because colors get discontinued after a certain amount of time goes by and no one ever told me this before I committed to the damn Fiestaware!
40- On the surface I seem to be ok with this but believe me when I tell you that if I could have replaced each piece that broke my Fiestaware would still be flawless!
41- I like everything in its place, spick and span and lick-the-floor-clean
42- but as soon as I deep clean the house my husband and kids mess it up so in the spirit of #38 I barely deep clean anymore
43- because it depresses me to see things stop being perfect and it makes me bitchy and crabby
44- and so now I do maintenance cleaning, keep things tidy
45- and I breathe.
46- I hate colds.
47- I don't mind a throat ache as long as I don't get a runny nose with that because then I cannot breathe
48- which means I cannot practice ashtanga (because if you don't breathe then you are not doing yoga)
49- which means I get depressed
50- because it is the only downtime I have,
51- because it is my meditation,
52- because it is my exercise and physical release
53- and because with our mistaken-though-it-has-since-been-fixed-because-we-moved-back-home-to-San-Francisco-after-three-and-a-half-looong-and-miserable-years-there move to Spain and with all the stress I got allergies and couldn't breathe
54- so I didn't practice for some months and I was a basket case
55- because drugs and alcohol don't help me
56- and I don't like them anyway
57- because I just need to breathe.
58- I believe in reincarnation and once staunchly in karma though now the law of attraction makes more sense to me.
59- I took refuge in Tibetan Buddhism back when I was 21 because I was lost and angry and wanted some guidance even though I do not consider myself Buddhist anymore but have quite a Buddhist philosophy and outlook on life because after all #58.
60- I took refuge in Steven Seagal's house which is where my very close friend who believes he was my brother in a past life (and I agree with him) and is a Tibetan Buddhist monk in this one used to live.
61- He gave me a rosary, called mala, that used to belong to the Dalai Lama. It is one of my coolest possessions.
62- I would love to meet the Dalai Lama. Other well-known people would be gratuitous but His Holiness is someone I really would love to meet even though if it were to happen I would freak out because I would so want him to like me that the thought of him not liking me would be nerve-wracking and depressing.
63- I am a vegetarian and have been for 13 years now. It was never hard to become one. The hard part was dealing with people and their attitudes over me being one.
64- I was vegan for a long time and see my ideal self as vegan but I am stuck with my real self because when I was a vegan I didn't wear leather shoes and was in Spain then and all the manmade shoes made my feet bleed and so I had bandaids all over and lived like that for about a year and one day I could barely walk and had to buy leather shoes and so I ate dairy and eggs again too because I felt like a hypocrite saying no to that when I had dead cows on my feet.
65- I avoid allopathic medecines like the plague and will only take them if there is absolutely no other way for me to heal or live.
66- I gave birth to both of my kids with a midwife and no drugs. I had made a birth plan banning them from giving me any drugs and when the pain to push came I screamed and begged for some and no one gave me any and I was so pissed I tried to punch my husband but I think I missed although I did puke on him but in the end was glad they all ignored me and followed the birth plan.
67- I use fructose instead of sugar.
68- I don't drink sodas and I don't like them although I do like to have a sip of 7up every now and then so that I can burp because soda burps are fizzy and fun especially when some fizz comes out your nose too. I prefer 7up over Sprite because Sprite is too lemony and 7up has more gas which is better for burping and fizz production.
69- I don't like the word "pet" because I find it demeans our fellow animal brethren which explains my choice of words in #17.
70- "My dream car is a hybrid car but I don't have one because we cannot afford to have one though we are environmentalists, animal and human rights activists despite the fact that I think things on this planet are doomed and that individuals can only delay the harm being done to the planet but not fix it because things can only truly change significantly when countries step in and things are done on a larger scale" and oops I wrote that back in 2006 and so now I am home in San Francisco and actually own a hybrid and compost and recycle daily and so there you go... breathing as I cut down on hypocrisy.
71- September 11 and the reality of life on this planet (its environmental woes and intolerance and mistreatment of men, women, children, homosexuals around the globe) sometimes make me question the point of it all but then a wise friend of ours I love dearly reminded me it is all about our individual journey and the karma we create because all we can do is give it our best shot and so I go back to #38.
72- I don't like the sound of other people's hiccups.
73- I cannot stand cigarettes, their stench or the sight of people smoking.
74- I have only been with my husband.
75- I never tell anyone that because I think that if a woman wants to sleep with many people either at once or on separate occasions she should as long as she can truly handle it and fuck anyone who judges her and calls her a whore and so when people somehow find out I have only been with my husband they praise me
76- and I think "Fuck 'em" because virginity is no virtue
77- and women should be free to open wide if they want to and enjoy themselves
78- and I don't want to be one to perpetuate any notions otherwise.
79- I like to believe there is beauty in life and so I want to hold on to the child inside me which makes me more innocent than your average 33-year-old (33! WHY GOD WHY?) but it is a conscious choice and so
80- I cannot stand porn. It is the epitome of everything dirty, lost, ugly and lacking in beauty but I respect the right of people to watch it and to be porn stars and don't think it should be banned even though nothing could disgust me or turn me off as much as porn.
81- I can meow like a cat. I am very good at it. You'd never know it wasn't a cat.
82- I can also make chimpanzee noises but I don't anymore because it reminds me that I once got so hammered that I made chimpanzee noises in a noisy bar in the Gypsy district of Madrid, threw up in the bathroom, wanted to be left to sleep in the street but got dragged home by my two girlfriends who left me on my bed after they finally pried my fingers off the banisters outside the Gypsy hostal we lived in because I wanted to sleep on the stairs too and I woke up undressed (later I found out I had ripped it all off including a necklace I loved) to find out I remembered nothing.
83- I think I am weird. Does that even out the score then and make me normal?
84- I don't care what people think about me which is why I am telling you all this and why I finally like myself just as I am.
85- I think one of the dumbest questions to be asked is why I don't like a certain food. Why do you think? It doesn't appeal to my sense of style?
86- My favorite Sesame Street character is Elmo. I watch Elmo's World with my son and
87- I love Mr. Noodle too because he is so funny and because I admire the skills of Bill Irwin who was also great in his guest appearance on Third Rock from the Sun. (Not that I am a crazy fan of his but talking about Mr. Noodle made me want to praise him for a job well done).
88- I love performing. Acting is my thing and San Francisco a great stage for a hippie happy journey into a quirky world of film.
89- I was a Creative Writing Major with a focus on Poetry but then see #36.
90- Don't feel bad because I have absolutely no regrets. That all was a choice and I take full responsibility for it because
91- I don't like to be a victim to anything if I can help it.
92- So yeah, I used to write but I haven't in a long time because
93- my best work has always emerged when I am in a dark place or under extreme pressure and stress
94- and I do not want to be in a dark place anymore
95- nor do I want to be under extreme pressure and stress
96- because I finally know what it is to be happy and how to be happy (which was something I had to learn)
97- and I have my husband to thank because he showed me the way to true happiness with his unconditional love
98- and then came the babies and I love them all more than life itself
99- even though there are days I am so stuck in the banality of our mundane existence here on this planet that I fantasize about taking off and having a breather from them all
100- but I don't think I could do it because I do not have it in me to be away from them.
101- They are my rhapsody and so now you know and having said all that... welcome to Miz BoheMia's Rhapsody!
2- I am 33 (WHY GOD WHY?) and have moved 35 times that I can remember. It is probably more than that.
3- At one point I moved 7 times in the span of a year and 7 months.
4- We moved for no apparent reason.
5- I come from a single parent household.
6- I am not too big on, or crazy about my, extended family.
7- I am married to my once-best-friend, former-best-friend-of-my-deceased-brother, amazing soul of a man who saved me from insanity by just being there and loving me.
8- We have two quirky and eccentric, hippie, happy kids.
9- I have a mild, to medium, to serious case of OCD. It all depends on the day, the mood, the situation, the level of peace within...
10- I like color coordination and symmetry because then there is a flow to things and I like for things to flow.
11- My trademark jewelry are my big hoop earrings, ankle bracelet my husband gave me during an anniversary we had our first I-am-gonna-leave-you fight in, engagement ring and two wedding bands (it is balanced that way... read #10), thumb ring and 3 toe rings (two silver and gold in the middle... haven't you read #10 yet?).
12- I feel naked if one of the pieces in #11 is missing. I have learned to not rush back home for them if out and without a piece on but it really pisses me off when that happens and makes me somewhat anxious.
13- I love ball-kicking, strong women.
14- I want to smack passive, whiny women around.
15- I don't like fairy tales because I don't think women need saving.
16- I don't like insects. They truly make me nauseous. I almost threw up when my husband tried to make me watch a documentary on insects.
17- I have had birds, cats, hamsters, rabbits, ducks, dogs and a lamb as non-human family members but all in all
18- I am a cat person.
19- I grew up with 5 cats and 6 for a while but then it went back down to 5.
20- Then Missy, I was her favorite human, died because she fell out the window of the 7th floor apartment we had just moved into that very day and broke my heart.
21- I once thought that Ziggy Barley, a ragdoll cat, was thawing it out but then he grew out of kittenhood and I panicked at being needed again, for life, by a cat that would eventually die and out he went before I became attached and though I may not be proud of that moment I am proud of knowing my weaknesses and unashamed because, well, it is what it is.
22- I cannot stand being licked.
23- I cannot stand stupid people.
24- I want to smack them as much as #14.
25- I never got to smack the guy who tried to impress me back in my single days by telling me his mother was from "Brazil which is in Spain" or the one who asked me if he could "go from California to Spain by bus".
26- I am an Ashtanga Yoga Teacher.
27- Getting bent out of shape straightens me out.
28- I speak English, Spanish, French, Danish and Farsi.
29- I didn't mean to but life just happened.
30- Ironically, being Iranian-Danish I speak English and Spanish the best.
31- I don't fit in anywhere which is why San Francisco fits me like a glove.
32- I cherish every second of my life in San Francisco such is my love affair with this city o' divine quirk.
33- I have 3 piercings in my left ear, 4 piercings in my right ear, 1 nose piercing and am working up the nerve to get a tragus piercing but have yet to decide on the ear though I am leaning towards the right one and even though my ear piercings won't be symmetrical sometimes planned asymmetry is gold.
34- I was a straight A, 4.0 student.
35- I was ecstatic when I found out my bloodtype was A+. Way to go blood! You aced it!
36- But then I got a 3.98 GPA, got pregnant, was devastated by the lowered GPA score, felt exhausted by the pregnancy and left uni when I had 7 classes left to finish though I'll be damned if I admit that in the professional world as my fake resume is quite impressive but back to reality and so... damn you #37!
37- I have a tiring need to be perfect but I am working on it because
38- I know my lesson in life is to let go.
39- So now my Fiestaware doesn't match but only because colors get discontinued after a certain amount of time goes by and no one ever told me this before I committed to the damn Fiestaware!
40- On the surface I seem to be ok with this but believe me when I tell you that if I could have replaced each piece that broke my Fiestaware would still be flawless!
41- I like everything in its place, spick and span and lick-the-floor-clean
42- but as soon as I deep clean the house my husband and kids mess it up so in the spirit of #38 I barely deep clean anymore
43- because it depresses me to see things stop being perfect and it makes me bitchy and crabby
44- and so now I do maintenance cleaning, keep things tidy
45- and I breathe.
46- I hate colds.
47- I don't mind a throat ache as long as I don't get a runny nose with that because then I cannot breathe
48- which means I cannot practice ashtanga (because if you don't breathe then you are not doing yoga)
49- which means I get depressed
50- because it is the only downtime I have,
51- because it is my meditation,
52- because it is my exercise and physical release
53- and because with our mistaken-though-it-has-since-been-fixed-because-we-moved-back-home-to-San-Francisco-after-three-and-a-half-looong-and-miserable-years-there move to Spain and with all the stress I got allergies and couldn't breathe
54- so I didn't practice for some months and I was a basket case
55- because drugs and alcohol don't help me
56- and I don't like them anyway
57- because I just need to breathe.
58- I believe in reincarnation and once staunchly in karma though now the law of attraction makes more sense to me.
59- I took refuge in Tibetan Buddhism back when I was 21 because I was lost and angry and wanted some guidance even though I do not consider myself Buddhist anymore but have quite a Buddhist philosophy and outlook on life because after all #58.
60- I took refuge in Steven Seagal's house which is where my very close friend who believes he was my brother in a past life (and I agree with him) and is a Tibetan Buddhist monk in this one used to live.
61- He gave me a rosary, called mala, that used to belong to the Dalai Lama. It is one of my coolest possessions.
62- I would love to meet the Dalai Lama. Other well-known people would be gratuitous but His Holiness is someone I really would love to meet even though if it were to happen I would freak out because I would so want him to like me that the thought of him not liking me would be nerve-wracking and depressing.
63- I am a vegetarian and have been for 13 years now. It was never hard to become one. The hard part was dealing with people and their attitudes over me being one.
64- I was vegan for a long time and see my ideal self as vegan but I am stuck with my real self because when I was a vegan I didn't wear leather shoes and was in Spain then and all the manmade shoes made my feet bleed and so I had bandaids all over and lived like that for about a year and one day I could barely walk and had to buy leather shoes and so I ate dairy and eggs again too because I felt like a hypocrite saying no to that when I had dead cows on my feet.
65- I avoid allopathic medecines like the plague and will only take them if there is absolutely no other way for me to heal or live.
66- I gave birth to both of my kids with a midwife and no drugs. I had made a birth plan banning them from giving me any drugs and when the pain to push came I screamed and begged for some and no one gave me any and I was so pissed I tried to punch my husband but I think I missed although I did puke on him but in the end was glad they all ignored me and followed the birth plan.
67- I use fructose instead of sugar.
68- I don't drink sodas and I don't like them although I do like to have a sip of 7up every now and then so that I can burp because soda burps are fizzy and fun especially when some fizz comes out your nose too. I prefer 7up over Sprite because Sprite is too lemony and 7up has more gas which is better for burping and fizz production.
69- I don't like the word "pet" because I find it demeans our fellow animal brethren which explains my choice of words in #17.
70- "My dream car is a hybrid car but I don't have one because we cannot afford to have one though we are environmentalists, animal and human rights activists despite the fact that I think things on this planet are doomed and that individuals can only delay the harm being done to the planet but not fix it because things can only truly change significantly when countries step in and things are done on a larger scale" and oops I wrote that back in 2006 and so now I am home in San Francisco and actually own a hybrid and compost and recycle daily and so there you go... breathing as I cut down on hypocrisy.
71- September 11 and the reality of life on this planet (its environmental woes and intolerance and mistreatment of men, women, children, homosexuals around the globe) sometimes make me question the point of it all but then a wise friend of ours I love dearly reminded me it is all about our individual journey and the karma we create because all we can do is give it our best shot and so I go back to #38.
72- I don't like the sound of other people's hiccups.
73- I cannot stand cigarettes, their stench or the sight of people smoking.
74- I have only been with my husband.
75- I never tell anyone that because I think that if a woman wants to sleep with many people either at once or on separate occasions she should as long as she can truly handle it and fuck anyone who judges her and calls her a whore and so when people somehow find out I have only been with my husband they praise me
76- and I think "Fuck 'em" because virginity is no virtue
77- and women should be free to open wide if they want to and enjoy themselves
78- and I don't want to be one to perpetuate any notions otherwise.
79- I like to believe there is beauty in life and so I want to hold on to the child inside me which makes me more innocent than your average 33-year-old (33! WHY GOD WHY?) but it is a conscious choice and so
80- I cannot stand porn. It is the epitome of everything dirty, lost, ugly and lacking in beauty but I respect the right of people to watch it and to be porn stars and don't think it should be banned even though nothing could disgust me or turn me off as much as porn.
81- I can meow like a cat. I am very good at it. You'd never know it wasn't a cat.
82- I can also make chimpanzee noises but I don't anymore because it reminds me that I once got so hammered that I made chimpanzee noises in a noisy bar in the Gypsy district of Madrid, threw up in the bathroom, wanted to be left to sleep in the street but got dragged home by my two girlfriends who left me on my bed after they finally pried my fingers off the banisters outside the Gypsy hostal we lived in because I wanted to sleep on the stairs too and I woke up undressed (later I found out I had ripped it all off including a necklace I loved) to find out I remembered nothing.
83- I think I am weird. Does that even out the score then and make me normal?
84- I don't care what people think about me which is why I am telling you all this and why I finally like myself just as I am.
85- I think one of the dumbest questions to be asked is why I don't like a certain food. Why do you think? It doesn't appeal to my sense of style?
86- My favorite Sesame Street character is Elmo. I watch Elmo's World with my son and
87- I love Mr. Noodle too because he is so funny and because I admire the skills of Bill Irwin who was also great in his guest appearance on Third Rock from the Sun. (Not that I am a crazy fan of his but talking about Mr. Noodle made me want to praise him for a job well done).
88- I love performing. Acting is my thing and San Francisco a great stage for a hippie happy journey into a quirky world of film.
89- I was a Creative Writing Major with a focus on Poetry but then see #36.
90- Don't feel bad because I have absolutely no regrets. That all was a choice and I take full responsibility for it because
91- I don't like to be a victim to anything if I can help it.
92- So yeah, I used to write but I haven't in a long time because
93- my best work has always emerged when I am in a dark place or under extreme pressure and stress
94- and I do not want to be in a dark place anymore
95- nor do I want to be under extreme pressure and stress
96- because I finally know what it is to be happy and how to be happy (which was something I had to learn)
97- and I have my husband to thank because he showed me the way to true happiness with his unconditional love
98- and then came the babies and I love them all more than life itself
99- even though there are days I am so stuck in the banality of our mundane existence here on this planet that I fantasize about taking off and having a breather from them all
100- but I don't think I could do it because I do not have it in me to be away from them.
101- They are my rhapsody and so now you know and having said all that... welcome to Miz BoheMia's Rhapsody!
